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| Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 3 |
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Noisy_Introvert 3/4/2007 7:34 pm
Last Read:
6/17/2008 2:14 pm
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Previously on Bohemian Blog Opera:
Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 1
Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 2
Episode 3:
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Over at Blogburg General Hospital, the cafeteria is buzzing with activity. Earlier in the evening, a John Doe was brought in with severe injuries from a hit and run accident. Apparently the victim was badly burned, rendering him unrecognizable even in this close-knit community.
At one table, the famous surgery photographer, Irina Bancroft, is discussing the case with Dr Joseph Columbus, the ear/nose/throat specialist who’s been brought in for a consult.
IRINA: So, will you be able to identify him? Will you use dental records?
DR. JOE: Dammit Irina, I’m an ear/nose/throat doctor, not a dentist!
IRINA: Of course, Doctor.
As they continue to discuss this grave situation, they are approached by beautiful, strawberry blond heiress Tangie Whitmore, who volunteers at the hospital while actively searching for ever-elusive love.
TANGIE: Hi Dr. Joe! What do you think of my throat?
Tangie leans her face in so that she is mere inches from Dr. Joe, and opens her mouth wide. Irina looks on with disgusted fascination, picks up her camera from the table, and snaps a couple of quick photos.
DR. JOE: Uh, very nice, Ms. Whitmore.
TANGIE: Oh, heez, hah ee Aang-ee.
DR. JOE: I’m sorry?
TANGIE [closing her mouth]: I said, please, call me Tangie!
DR. JOE: Yes, er, Tangie. Well, everything seems to be in good working order, heh heh.
IRINA: He’s the best in the biz.
At a table alone with her nose in a book, the town’s librarian, Margaret Gloucester, is nibbling at a plate of french fries and sipping on a Diet Coke. Looking for a place to sit, Krissdoff Payne, the stuttering polyester stud with a mysterious lack of occupation, spies her empty table and limps over to join her.
KRISSDOFF: D-d-d-do you mind if I j-j-j-j-j-j-j-
MARGARET [looks up sharply, then turns away in horror]: Please, I’m meeting someone!
KRISSDOFF: D-d-d-d-d-d-do we kn-kn-kn-kn-kn-
MARGARET [head down, speaking into her book]: I’ve never seen you before in my life!
KRISSDOFF: Are you sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-
MARGARET: Yes I’m quite sure, now please, if you wouldn’t mind…
Perplexed (he is not used to being turned down by the ladies), Krissdoff stares for a moment at the nervous, dowdy, bespectacled mouse of a woman in front of him, wondering why she seems so familiar. He tugs at his moustache thoughtfully before turning away. Margaret looks up at him longingly, then looks off into space as the hazy lens of memory swims into her field of vision.
Key West, 1983. In a steamy, low-rent hotel room, a young woman with the most fantastic asss in Florida is getting dressed, her wild, untamed curls falling around her face casually.
KRISSDOFF: My g-g-g-g-g-g-god, M-m-m-m-m-m-maggie! You-you-you-you-
MAGGIE [pouring him a stiff drink]: For god’s sake, Krissdoff, have a drink.
KRISSDOFF [downs the drink and shakes it off]: Ah, that's better. Good god, you're beautiful!
MAGGIE: Come off it, Krissdoff, you say that to all the freedom fighters!
KRISSDOFF: Are you kidding? I would say that even if I hadn't just sold you a truckload of guns to fight off the Sandanistas!
MAGGIE [filling Krissdoff's glass and pouring a drink of her own]: To Banana Republic!
KRISSDOFF: To your asss.
MAGGIE [giggling and collapsing into Krissdoff's arms]: To my asss!
Margaret is stirred from her reverie by the arrival of her acquaintance, "Dr." Bolina Windsor, Blogburg's only (and unacredited) veterinarian.
BOLINA: Ola, Marguarita! ¿Cómo estás?
MARGARET: Very well, thank you, Dr. Windsor.
BOLINA [taking a seat across from Margaret]: Call me Bolina.
MARGARET: Yes, well. Bolina. Thank you for meeting me here today.
BOLINA [sizing Margaret up with a delicate leer]: Oh, believe me, senorita, it iss my playzhure. Now. How can I help you?
MARGARET: Well, I realize this will sound very strange indeed, but... I need to, er, retrieve something from... um, my... [glances around furtively and lowers her voice] my horse's bottom. I heard you can help with these sorts of matters.
BOLINA [raises one eyebrow and salaciously licks her lips]: Jou got someteeng stuck up your horse's asss? [nods her head, impressed] Iss always da quiet ones!
***
What has Margaret shoved up her horse's asss? Will Bolina keep her secret? Will she demand hot lesbian sèx in return? Will Krissdoff realize that Margaret is actually Maggie, the hottest asss in Florida? Was Tangie Whitmore dropped on her head at birth? Oh yeah, and what about that John Doe? Will Dr. Joe be able to reconstruct his face? Will Irina take really gross pictures? Tune in for the next episode of... Bohemian Blog Opera!
** For the complete cast of characters, consult These are the blogs of our lives, part une
These things are lame.
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4780 posts
3/4/2007 8:25 pm
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You deserve an Emmy...Or shall we call it a "Bloggie"?
The Slug
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3/4/2007 11:00 pm
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So does he doesn't he do Tangie? This is what I wanted to know. I mean she sits and hears it but never reacts as if she has even a clue. What is is that? She probably wasn't dropped on her head at birth. Hmmmm
Besos!
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4571 posts
3/5/2007 10:16 am
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Bolina studied veternary medicine...I think I mention she did? Anyhow, a plus for the comedy if she's not a true blue vet...
Character:
Bolina Windsor
"Bolina is an ex-Brazilian dominatrix/bikni model who married the late and wealthy Henry A. Windsor---leaving her with his fortune! This gold-digger-turned-vet now sticks her hands up horses arses to save their lives..."
...
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4571 posts
3/5/2007 10:19 am
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...Wait...she's BRAZILLIAN...like the wax?
Oh well...funny nonetheless...very effing funny. I almost blurted out a laugh in the computer lab a bit ago reading this
*hug*
...
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3/5/2007 10:59 am
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the cast in order of appearance! (i've made unraveling this blopera stuff a persponal mission) ((noisy could do this herself, cept of course she's too freakin lazy. heh heh))
Song for Lya = Irina Bancroft
Surgery Photographer
Irina, once upon a time a scientist, but truly a young secret service operative for eastern european republic found refuge in the arms of a British diplomat during the dissolution of the USSR. Now widowed, she keeps quiet and enjoys the sunshine of Southern California. For a living, Irina captures images of the exploded mammal appendages and documents the nose jobs of aging rich women.
MotleyCool = Dr. Joseph Columbus
I'd like to be known as... Dr. Joseph Columbus. He dresses in a black Nehru suit not unlike Dr. No. He's a ear/nose/throat kind of doc but is bent on global domination and maybe a prostate exam or two. He'd like to date a schoolteacher named Martha.
Moxie109 = Tangie Whitmore
Returning Harvard College Grad back from a long stay in Europa. Tangie is commonly distracted by her longing need for love yet unaware of just how many chances she has missed ( she is strawberry blonde ) . Her family is very wealthy and she doesn't desire work of any kind. She also does bar tending on the side.
Noisy Introvert = Margaret Gloucester
Spinster librarian
Margaret hails from Puddingshire, England. Shy, mousy, bespectacled and frumpy, Margaret harbours a secret past and a smoking hot bod underneath those cardigans. What is she hiding???
Eastwest10 = Krissdoff Payne
Claimed occupation: Karma Courier
Actual occupation: Gun Runner for the CIA
Payne never seems to be wanting for money, yet never really "works." He claims he needn't work, for he "bought the right stock at the right time back in the 80's." Truth is, he works for the CIA and "trades" in the extremely dangerous international arms market. In the past, all of his efforts were directed towards supplying rebels in Central and South America that were on whatever side Uncle Sam deemed to be the "right" side, our side. Currently, it's not really clear what, if anything, he is up to. Is this simply a long time between "assignments" or has he fallen out of favour? Despite a penchant for polyester and a stutter that goes away only when he's drinking or "doing business," women throw themselves at him. Yet, he stays inexplicably distant, aloof-- ever since the fabled Key West Weekend with that writer. Or was it a librarian? There was something about her being a woman of letters, maybe she was a teacher, a professor. All that is known for sure is that he came back with a hard heart, and a limp.
Thinky Creator = maggie doltry
age? looks in her mid 30s
a semi-reclusive painter living alone just outside the edge of town. long, curly flames of red hair surround her moonwhite face as she grasps her teacup, staring out the window, caressing her pet boa constrictor, "mousy." she lives atop a hill at the end of a long winding dirt driveway. the women in town loathe her, as the men, fascinated by her, find many excuses to drive down that long driveway to visit ms. maggie doltry. she drives a softop jeep.
Real Girl1000 = Bolina Windsor
Bolina is an ex-Brazilian dominatrix/bikni model who married the late and wealthy Henry A. Windsor---leaving her with his fortune! This gold-digger-turned-vet now sticks her hands up horses arses to save their lives...
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3/5/2007 11:07 am
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god I'm hopelessly confused, I think I was definitely dropped on my head at birth. how does margaret transmogrify into maggie, how can this be, aren't they, like, two completely different characters?? doesn't one of them have a better ass???
perhaps I'll go ask that nice dear noisy lady...
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600 posts
3/5/2007 2:28 pm
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I'm just glad to see there's going to be some good old equine/human love action, a must for any effective blogopera. Does that happen in the episode "fu[kcq]quus" or do you, I hope, let it cantor all throughout??
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696 posts
3/5/2007 5:48 pm
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KRISSDOFF: D-d-d-do you mind if I j-j-j-j-j-j-j-
I think men who stutter are HOT!
XXXOOOLLL
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6576 posts
3/5/2007 8:42 pm
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sluggish, you are a true irish catholic californian gentleman, and i mean that with no prejudice whatsoever. thank you kind sir.
moxie, what the eff are you saying, woman. i feel like perhaps you are above my head and below my knees. good on ya.
rg1K, i didn't get the sense that bolina had formally studied. seemed more like she'd drifted into shoving her hand up horse's arses. correct me if i'm wrong. this is better, tho, don't you think?
bluebett, yeah, I'm LAZY. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MA. I MEAN FOR CRAP'S SAKE I DON'T SEE ANY OF YOU WRITING THIS EFFING MONSTROSITY WITH A CAST OF THOUSANDS. GEEZUS WOMAN.
pS. maggie/margaret=same person dumbass. i know you know this, and thus i thank you for the opportunity to telegraph this info to the stupider people reading this blog. they also thank you.
thisbehelenmirren, this is NOT language befitting of a queen, or even a British subject. {shudder}
tripleL, don't forget the polyester. something about that artificial fabric make-a the ladeeez kwaaazy
These things are lame.
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6576 posts
3/5/2007 8:43 pm
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k, i just realized that some of you could see tripleL as LeighLa50-roman numeral L. ha! it came from Lovely Lady Leighla, but I like roman numeral L too.
These things are lame.
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499 posts
3/5/2007 9:24 pm
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hahahahahahahaha ..... oops ... lol. We need to forward your resume on to all the major networks. Finally a soap I would actually watch.
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2776 posts
3/5/2007 11:12 pm
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I loved the work Irina did on her last shoot. I can't wait to see what she comes up with this time.
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4780 posts
3/6/2007 2:45 am
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Quoting Noisy_Introvert:
sluggish, you are a true irish catholic californian gentleman, and i mean that with no prejudice whatsoever. thank you kind sir.
moxie, what the eff are you saying, woman. i feel like perhaps you are above my head and below my knees. good on ya.
rg1K, i didn't get the sense that bolina had formally studied. seemed more like she'd drifted into shoving her hand up horse's arses. correct me if i'm wrong. this is better, tho, don't you think?
bluebett, yeah, I'm LAZY. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MA. I MEAN FOR CRAP'S SAKE I DON'T SEE ANY OF YOU WRITING THIS EFFING MONSTROSITY WITH A CAST OF THOUSANDS. GEEZUS WOMAN.
pS. maggie/margaret=same person dumbass. i know you know this, and thus i thank you for the opportunity to telegraph this info to the stupider people reading this blog. they also thank you.
thisbehelenmirren, this is NOT language befitting of a queen, or even a British subject. {shudder}
tripleL, don't forget the polyester. something about that artificial fabric make-a the ladeeez kwaaazy
And you are welcome and I thank you the same
The Slug
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6576 posts
3/6/2007 6:12 am
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IAMT, if you haven't been watching soaps til now, you've truly been missing out. Some of my most fücked up notions of happily ever after were informed by yeeears of obsessive soaping. I remember one time in high school, my quarterly report card showed I'd missed FIFTEEN days of school. That's in a QUARTER - like, what, 2 or 3 months? I used to skip school to watch soaps all the time. Good times, good times. Anyway, thanks for the props.
Nota, hmmm, I wonder if Dr. Charles Teal is familiar with Irina's work.... it makes me wonder...
Slug, 0
These things are lame.
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3/6/2007 7:59 am
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Noisy: Geez! I re-read it and yep must have been bouncy or more like floating on da cloud! Ha. Sorry. Oh sh*t I'm frickin in love! Off to Denva in May to stay wit this dude who loves me too. Ouch! I'm and really happy!
cya,
di
Besos!
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6576 posts
3/6/2007 11:33 am
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Aw, moxie, that's delightful. Just remember the seven dates rule. Maybe you can have all seven in one day.
These things are lame.
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499 posts
3/6/2007 9:46 pm
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Quoting moxie109a:
Noisy: Geez! I re-read it and yep must have been bouncy or more like floating on da cloud! Ha. Sorry. Oh sh*t I'm frickin in love! Off to Denva in May to stay wit this dude who loves me too. Ouch! I'm and really happy!
cya,
di
damn .... I almost didn't understand this one either. But blogsaurus helped me quite a bit with translation. Still not sure on the "ouch" though ... did you sit on a tack or break a nail on the keyboard??
curious mind of one not watching soaps wants to know
Noisy: skipping school to watch soaps?? uhuh ... that's your story and you're sticking to it hey?? Believe it or not ... I was very good and never skipped school ... well ... until I was very bad and quit ... but then was very good and went back .. and ... uuhh never mind. TMI
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1567 posts
3/11/2007 3:06 pm
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LOL!!!
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