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A little bit of sugar, a little bit of salt.
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog Noisy_Introvert], from anywhere else use http://personals.girlfriendsmag.com/blog/Noisy_Introvert, and to read it remotely use the  feed.
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| Ask the Introvert is back and wiser-asser than ever! |
Feb 26, 2007 5:22 am
19970 Views |
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Hello, troubled readers! It's been far too long. How are you holding up? Need some good advice? Aaaaww, you do, don't you? God, you are just so messed up.
Okay, tell Dear Noisy all about it. As usual, nothing is off limits:
- concerns about global warming
- line up etiquette - includes grocery stores, public transit, banks, etc.
- how soon is too soon?
- song lyrics
- ketchup
- astral projection
AS ALWAYS, and generally for naught, I ask that you properly format your questions, including a greeting and a signature, i.e. "Dear Noisy, I am a sap and I need your help! Signed, Tree Lover". It's only polite.
For archival advice, check 'em out:
Ask the Introvert
The return of Dear Noisy
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60 Comments
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| I think that I shall never see, a blogstar who disappoints me |
Feb 22, 2007 12:42 pm
15125 Views |
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Pre-requisite reading: Mysterious lack of noise
Hello my friends and homies! I'm back! No need to get into where I went, except to say I've come back 200% schmoopier than any of you thought possible or really wanted. Hopefully I can maintain my edge, but you know, sometimes the schmoop undermines the shnark.
Thank you to everyone who posted their best guess as to where I went off to. Thanks also to those of you who've waited patiently for my response (with the exception of one particularly sucky poutypants who nevertheless will get his prize below...)
You're all so great, and I'm feeling so effin schmoopy, I decided to ode every last one of ya!
"Giggling, lost in the GropeDome."
There once was a bot-Notabot
Chick bloggers all thought he was H.O.T.
Known for his drool
As much as his cool
He's always our favourite mascot!
"The Noise is all in my head. The Noise is in our hearts and minds." (e-dub)
Echoes in your head
shriek with laughter and schmoopies.
Please god, make it stop.
"The Further Adventures of Rif-Raf and Noisy..."
Oh, that Rainier
My gosh, what a dear
(A little bit queer?)
(But not like, gay-fear)
Who can it be now?
Those thumping hearts and sweetness...
must be King Cuddles
"Oh, she's changed all right. 5 dollars sez she's all fuzzy sweaters and needlepoint and ooh! I have this recipe for gingerbread that's just to die for! from now on."
There once was a gem of a guy
His time for come-uppance was nigh
He thought he was edgy
So I gave him a wedgy
It's sad to see a grown man cry.
"You rock! You rule! I <3 you guys. xoxo"
A heart that's made of sunshine
A soul that gleams with gold
Her hair could make me switch teams
Which happens a lot, I'm told.
"On March 1 the Noise will be in Toronto at the Harbourfront Centre"
Book your flights, stars o' blog
GetRealGuys and Noise, agog!
"Hey, c'mon! Tell us, tell us ... Where the hell you been?!!"
Well, Tantrika, let's just say
"Schmoop" is now my middle name
"A vag_inal fart."
You know that I love a fart joke
But Lotus, that line made me choke.
"All the singing and vomiting at the BlogBash rendered The Noise voiceless?"
FriendlyGurl: also
clever, cute, cheeky... and those
fantabulous gams!
"the very brave adventures of nigel the dishwasher kitty"
I'll have what teeg's having
and make it a double
I'll be under the table
contending with stubble.
"Craziness. Rocks."
Thankyou
IQ
"you finally swung that audience with the dalai lama."
Hello, Dalai!
Well hello, Dalai!
It's so nice to finally see you in the blogs
You're looking swell, Dalai!
We can tell, Dalai,
That you want them, just to flaunt them
betty's boots (and plus her dogs)
"Noisy: I don't understand." (Dharma)
Look inside your no-self
Maybe ask the house-elf
And soon it will make sense
And you won't feel so dense
And on that note
(the denseness)
Reduce the bloat
(it's senseless)
Thank you very much
[dorky such and such...]
"It seems you haven't gone anywhere. I see you everyday, 1" tall, riding that plush dog." (X-man)
And I've got such a long way to go
to make it to the border of Mexico
So I ride
Ride the plush dog
Ride like the wind
"coincidence? one has to wonder....."
Wonder no more
crazy euphor
there is no connection
nor predilection
"she may just be engaging in a fit of the "game" of Amélie Poulain" (::sl
So close to the source
of the schmoop - whimsical games,
from French movie scenes.
"engaged in existential drama and lyrical realities"
Holy good mother of fück!
Is this just a case of blind luck?
Zubee is wise
A sage in disguise
Her words leave us all thunderstruck
"you could be our white noise - the omnipresent soothing background" (alt-spice)
how did you know?
does my god-complex show?
"On tour with The Proper Nouns?" (flaneurdumal)
Oh, you crazy Baudelaire!
No one's ennui shows such flare!
Your fleurs du mal
in sunny socal
What's up with the burgundy hair?
"What noise? I don't hear anything."
Whoa, Motley! Kewl!
They totally rule!
Who needs their hearing
Ears are for earrings!
What? What? WHAT?
Speak the hell up!
********************************************************************
THUD!
The Noise is back, beyond doubt
But I think she may have passed out.
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17 Comments
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| Mysterious lack of noise |
Feb 19, 2007 10:06 am
17383 Views |
Where the crap is the Noise?
Please post your best guess. I'll write a special ode to the blogger who writes my favourite response!
xoxo schmoopiness and hearts,
Noisy |
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36 Comments
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| Keepin it real in the class room |
Feb 14, 2007 5:46 am
16225 Views |
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So did y'all hear about this high school math teacher in New Mexico? He included a question on an algebra test about a meth dealer. Serious, yo's. I shït you not:
"Smoky J. sells meth. Smoky's source says he has to sell a G's worth of meth by the end of the month. If Smoky sold 240 dollars the first week and 532 dollars the second week, how much money must Smoky make if he wants to avoid the beat down from his connection?"
Props to Will Klundt for representin wit da yoot!
I think we should put together a list of killa test questions for the classroom, any subject is fine by me as long as you keep it real and make it street.
Example:
Creative Writing
Theme: Submit 200 words on your first experience getting high. Be creative! This can include pot, X, meth, huffing, dripping, cough medicine, nitrous, etc. |
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30 Comments
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| Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 2 |
Feb 9, 2007 9:54 pm
16791 Views |
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Previously on Bohemian Blog Opera: Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 1
Episode 2:
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters
It's an ordinary night at the Deuxcomme Inn in the town of Blogburg until mysterious stranger John Riverside bursts in and announces to Sheriff Dr. Thorn Ramsey that he believes he may have killed a man.
THORN: Did you just say you killed a man?
JOHN [looking around desperately]: I – I don't know!
THORN: What do you mean you don't know?
JOHN: Well, it was dark, and I couldn't see...
THORN [grabs John by the shoulders]: What are you saying, man?
JOHN: Well, it may have been... a squirrel.
There is a collective sigh of disappointment from the patrons of the Deuxcomme Inn, who resume their conversations. Over at the informal meeting of the Blogburg Babes Book Brigade, Taylor Tuolomne rolls her eyes.
TAYLOR: I told you he was a waste of time.
SUSANA: But what do we really know about him, girls?
LOUISE: Rumour has it he's dangerous!
The door opens and a father and daughter enter, arguing loudly. It's Chief Black Bear, tall, distinguished, and paradoxical in a cowboy hat, with his beautiful, spirited daughter Sun Mont Eagle, from the local reservation at the outskirts of town.
SUN MONT EAGLE: Daddy, everyone I know is going to the Blogburg Ball!
CHIEF BLACK BEAR: No, Sun. We need you at the casino that night.
SUN MONT EAGLE: Nobody's going to be at the stupid casino on the night of the ball!
CHIEF BLACK BEAR: It is wrong for you to reject your culture for that of the white man.
SUN MONT EAGLE: I hate our culture and everything it stands for! I hate nature! I hate tobacco!
CHIEF BLACK BEAR: This is all because of that pale face who peddles alcohol to our people and steals our daughters while we are weak from the drink, isn't it?
SUN MONT EAGLE [looking longingly towards the bar]: You mean... Pierce St. James?
Back at the bar, Pierce grins and winks at Sun Mont, before turning his attention back to the amnesiac waitress, Jane.
PIERCE: So, you really don't remember anything at all, hunh?
JANE [brightly]: I remembered a name last night!
PIERCE: Oh, yeah? What was it?
JANE [looks down]: I forgot again.
PIERCE [looks away, rolls eyes]
Anne Benedict, owner and proprietor of the Deuxcomme Inn, appears at the top of the stairs.
ANNE: Pierce! I need you! I cawn't make dis book balance. Can you come upstair?
PIERCE [shrugs]: Sure, Mz. Bee
Pierce takes off his apron and jumps over the bar. A collective feminine sigh is felt rather than heard from all corners of the bar. Highland Norfolk III, sitting at the bar, snorts in disgust.
HIGHLAND: I make more money taking a crap than that guy makes in a year.
JANE: He makes pretty good tips.
HIGHLAND: Yeah, well, I give good tips. And it makes me a lot of money.
Over at the BBBB table, the women are observing Highland with some interest.
SUSANA: He's too arrogant for me.
LOUISE: Yeah, but he's rich!
TAYLOR: And cute.
LOUISE: And male, don't forget male.
TAYLOR: I wonder if he has a date for the Blogburg Ball yet.
LOUISE: I saw him first!
TAYLOR: We saw him at the same time!
LOUISE: I am so sick of you sleeping with every man in this town and calling it "research" for your next trashy tell-all book, you skanky little whore!
SUSANA: Louise! Remember what you said about respecting each other!
LOUISE: Forget that! He's mine!
TAYLOR: Shhhhh! He's coming over here!
HIGHLAND: Ladies.
LOUISE [tugs at her boob jacket before thrusting out her hand in front of Taylor's face]: Hi, I'm Louise Guernsey!
HIGHLAND: Hello. I'm Highland Norfück the Third.
Susana's and Taylor's eyes grow wide. They exchange looks.
LOUISE: I'm sorry, did you say... er, the Third?
HIGHLAND: Yes, that's right. Of the New England Norfücks.
Taylor laughs and covers her mouth, feigning a coughing fit. Susana pretends to look under the table while attempting to regain her composure.
LOUISE: Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr...
HIGHLAND: Norfück.
LOUISE: Mr. Norfück.
HIGHLAND: Please, call me Highland.
Susana shrieks with laughter under the table.
HIGHLAND: Is your friend alright?
Pierce and Anne re-emerge, descending the stairs together. Anne, beautiful and fragile, holds Pierce's arm to steady herself.
ANNE: Tank you so much, Pierce. You are so very helpful.
PIERCE: It's nothing, Mz. Bee
ANNE: Tell me, can you keep a secret?
PIERCE [shrugs]: Sure.
ANNE [resting her hand on his cheek fondly]: Goodnight, sweet boy.
PIERCE [shrugs]: Night, Mz. Bee.
***
What is Anne hiding? Is it just me or does she talk kind of funny? Will Louise still want Highland when she finds out what a prick he is? Will Jane ever regain her memory? Will she still be dumb as a post if she does? Will Sun Mont Eagle get to go to the Blogburg Ball? What will she wear? And what kind of a flake is John Riverside, anyway?
Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 3
** For the complete cast of characters, consult These are the blogs of our lives, part une
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23 Comments
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| Whatcha listenin to? |
Feb 8, 2007 6:53 am
17941 Views |
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A'ight dawgs. Fire up them iTunes on shuffle and DON'T LIE!!!
What are the first 5 songs to come up on random? If they're embarrassing, so much the better.
If you want to make things interesting, pick one song and give us a memory or a stream-of-consciousness thingy.
Noisy's Five
1. "Dreams" - Fleetwood Mac
2. "Ize of the World" - The Strokes
3. "Girl Penguin, Come Back, Goddamnit!" - Blackball False, Truth!
4. "Listen to the Radio" - Sloan
5. "Moon Over Goldsboro" - The Mountain Goats
Can you believe that number 3 title? I downloaded that off Said the Grammophone from their best songs of Aught Six. It is not only a hilarious title, but a great little tune. I think the band name is a bit much though. |
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35 Comments
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| Let's get meta-cal! |
Feb 6, 2007 10:30 am
15432 Views |
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There's nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned self-conscious discussion of how we discuss things!
What are some of your all-time favourite blog discussions? Here are some of mine:
Public boobs.
olnoseven's provocative discussion of public breastfeeding sparked a very lively debate. I got to issue my first smackdown. olno took it better than eastywesty. Heh. But that was before e-dub knew I would never seriously smack him. So long as he doesn't piss me off, we're good.
[post 27416]
At the height of six questions madness, franzia came up with some of the best questions. I mean, come on: "You are a cake. Elaborate what kind of cake you are. Why? What kind of cake do you want to hook up with? What kinds of cake babies would you like to have? (if you want cake babies)" -- the answers were so great.
Time to Waste Time
Nota's awesome head's up on a primo time-waster! As relevant today as it was three months ago. Promise her anything, but give her NotaRobot73.
And some faves from the First Impressions archive...
Ask the Introvert and The return of Dear Noisy
The advice column to the blogstars! If you only have time/inclination to read one, I recommend the second one.
What I got comin to me
A possibly controversial inclusion, but what the heck. It combines the best elements of drunkblogging, smackdowning, Noisy-fawning (okay, gratuitous, but hey it's a favourite for a reason), and stuff.
So what are some of your favourite conversations?
Brief tutorial on linking to blogs
Go to the blog thread you like. Scroll down to the very bottom of the screen, even below the "Post a reply" comment box. You should see a line of text that says "To link to this Post ("Name of blog post" ) use [post XXXXX] in your messages.
So, yeah. You just copy the part that's in square brackets - [post XXXXX] and paste it into your comment. It will get published as a hyperlink featuring the name of the blog.
You're so much smarter than you were before you read this! |
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18 Comments
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| Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 1 |
Feb 4, 2007 7:29 pm
19215 Views |
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Episode 1:
Mama, just killed a man
It's a quiet night at the Duexcomme Inn, in the sleepy small town of Blogburg. Behind the bar, the rakishly handsome Pierce St. James pours a draft while the sweet if confused waitress Jane awaits.
PIERCE: How's that amnesia thing working out for you, Jane?
JANE: I don't know.
At a table by the corner, the Blogburg Babes Book Brigade, a group of women writers, are having an animated conversation regarding their prolonged and lamented singleton status. Susana Phinney stares dreamily into an unseen future, most likely reliving the ending of one of her romance novels. Louise Guernsey, dressed in a postage stamp skirt, with a boob-jacket/shrug and a J-Lo hat, is borrowing from her lecture notes regarding post-modern dating rituals for feminists. Meanwhile, Taylor Tuolomne is busy trying to catch the eye of Pierce at the bar. She tugs a little bit at her blouse, exposing a fabulous set of knockers.
LOUISE: The thing is, in a town like Blogburg, we women have to respect each other. With the scarcity of men, it's inevitable we'll be put in a position of having to fight one another for the chance to procreate.
SUSANA: I just don't believe that, Louise. There's someone for everyone. You just have to have faith that you will find your soulmate.
TAYLOR: Pierce St. James has got some soul I'd like to mate with!
LOUISE [rolls her eyes]: The town man-tramp? Do you know how many women he's been with?
TAYLOR: I like an experienced man!
SUSANA: Oh Taylor!
Meanwhile, a "friendly" game of darts ensues between Dr. Thorn Ramsey, the sheriff of Blogburg, and Dr. Charles Teal, a formerly world-renowned robot scientist. The two doctors eye each other warily.
CHARLES: Tell me, Doctor, how is Princess Nanette?
THORN [looking troubled]: She's... fine, Doctor. Just fine. What about you? Are you seeing anyone these days?
CHARLES [looking troubled]: No.
THORN: I'm sorry to hear that.
CHARLES: There was someone for awhile... but she couldn't accept my devotion to my work.
THORN [raises eyebrow]: Your... work?
CHARLES [looks away]: Yes... my... work.
Over at the bar, Highland Norfolk III is having an agitated cell phone conversation. He nods at Pierce, who pours him a shot of whiskey, which Highland throws back without so much as a wince.
HIGHLAND: Look, do you know who I am? This is Highland Norfück! What? Yes, that's right. Norfück. N-O-R-F-O-L-K. [Sighs noisily.] Yes, I'll hold. [To Pierce] What are you waiting for, a marriage proposal? [Pierce smirks and saunters over with the whiskey bottle.] Hello? Yes, that's right. Highland Norfück. The third. NORFÜCK! NORFÜCK! What is so goddam funny?!
Suddenly, there is a commotion at the door. John Riverside rushes in, wild-eyed and dishevelled. He wipes self-consciously at his mouth, leaving his sleeve stained reddish brown.
The BBBB look up from their conversation hopefully, intrigued by the arrival of this mysterious stranger.
TAYLOR: Oh, him.
SUSANA: There's something not right about that man.
LOUISE: Rumour has it he's dangerous!
TAYLOR: Whatever. Hey, Pierce, can we get another round, sugar?
John makes a beeline for Dr. Thorn Ramsey, almost walking into the path of Dr. Charles Teal's dart.
JOHN: Dr. Ramsey, you've got to help me!
THORN: I'm sorry, do I know you?
JOHN: Excuse me, Doctor... er, Sheriff... Dr. Sheriff... My name is John Riverside. I'm new in town. I realize I'm a bit solitary and eccentric, but I assure you I'm not dangerous.
CHARLES and THORN exchange confused looks.
THORN: Okaaaaay. What can I do for you, John?
JOHN: I think I just killed a man!
***
Will Jane regain her memory? Will Pierce and Taylor get it on? Will the BBBB spinsters find love before their biological clocks blow up? What kind of work is Dr. Charles Teal up to? How do you pronounce Norfolk? And who did John kill? Tune in for the next episode of... Bohemian Blog Opera!
Bohemian Blog Opera: Episode 2
** For the complete cast of characters, consult These are the blogs of our lives, part une
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19 Comments
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| Have you heard about the lonesome loser |
Feb 3, 2007 10:26 pm
Mood: 81, 18816 Views |
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The TV's on in the other room. It's a late night infomercial hosted by the guys in Air Supply. For the last 25 minutes I've been listening to excerpts from The Classic Soft Rock Collection. The most unforgettable soft rock hits finally together. Relive all your memories from top 40 radio...
Lost in Love
Maggie May
Listen to the Music
Saturday in the Park
Ride Like the Wind
Steal Away (oh man, I haven't heard that song in ages!)
Baker Street
She's Gone
Daniel
How Deep is Your Love
More Than I Can Say
Sailing
Eye in the Sky (I had this record!)
Him
Waiting For a Girl Like You (this one too!)
Rosanna
Kokomo
While You See a Chance
Missing You
Babe
Own the entire 10 CD collection for just 5 payments of $37.95 each!
"There are sooooo many songs from my high school years... those were truly the best days of my life!"
Guys, I am thisclose to making the call! |
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14 Comments
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog Noisy_Introvert], from anywhere else use http://personals.girlfriendsmag.com/blog/Noisy_Introvert, and to read it remotely use the feed.
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